My oldest daughter will soon be the “new girl” in 5th grade, since we’ve switched schools over the summer.

Her experience brings up so much for me, and quite possibly for you, too.

Being the new girl (or boy) is awkward.

Nothing is familiar.

You have a history with no one — at least not in the exact same environment.

Many of the norms and customs make no sense. They just are.

It’s always difficult being the new girl, but I’ve also always been amazed at some people who seem to fly through the process. Perhaps it’s wearing the right clothes and having the right hair — they are predestined to fit in with their group, be it the cool kids, the athletes, or the preppies. They want to fit, and once they do they settle in to a routine.

Possibly, it’s not a routine but a rut.

While I hope my daughter makes the transition smoothly, I also hope that she isn’t pigeonholed right from the start. She’s such a beautiful mix of softball girl, history/mystery buff, and fashionista right now. Of course, it changes every day, but I love every little nuance of her personality.

Having this new girl thing happening here at home has made me very conscious of my own “new girl” phobias. Thinking back, I went to a college where so many people were not the new girls — they all just seemed to fit in (at least to me, who seemed to fit in nowhere). They wore the same kinds of deeply preppy clothes. They all had the same haircuts. They had taken the same kinds of classes in private school. They knew the drill, and so did their mothers (ok, I went to a women’s college, but their fathers knew the drill, too).

Then came me. I had never left the midwest except on a few occasions. I was a farm girl and I spent about half my time at the barn with the horses where I was the most comfortable. The first time I visited Boston, I dressed up because it just seemed the right thing to do (and I discovered to my horror that my friends didn’t do the same). I had never been to sleep-away camp or to prep school, and I was terrified of my well educated professors. My parents were both self-employed practically from birth, and the whole what-to-study-and-how-to-get-a-job thing was a complete mystery to them. It was hell.

But you know what? Sometimes in the not fitting, you get a better sense of yourself. You become more self-reliant, and you develop a wider base of friends. Sometimes the not being part of one solid group is tremendously hard, but it’s not the end of the world.

I say this because it’s my belief that being the new girl, whether you are networking in business or school or a profession, is something we’ve all done. We’re all deeply uncomfortable and unsure, whether we show it outwardly or not. We all want to fit, but some of us don’t.

I find that I still don’t fit in many situations. That’s ok. It just makes me work at it a little bit more to find out what we have in common.

You are you, and no one else can be that glorious combination of all the things that make you what you are. Instead of being the athlete or the artist or the soccer mom, be you. Just you, in all your multi-faceted brilliance. And treasure those of us who are also just being ourselves.

Have a glorious day, and all my peace happiness and love to you,

-liz