Today’s post is going to be quick and dirty. I’m finally coming clean.

The object of my desire is consuming my every waking moment and I can no longer keep this secret from you, dear reader.

I’m in love with a grocery store.

I walk down the aisles, mesmerized by the sheer quantity of foods. Cookies from exotic lands. A whole wall of olive oils, some even with mysterious sediments at the bottom of the bottles. Produce that seems to go on forever.

Things I’ve never even known existed, now I want. I crave.

And it’s cheap, too, making my little Midwestern heart race with desire every time I run my fingers over a fresh family pack of hamburger. Affordable vice, you are mine.

Perhaps this is my mid-life crisis.

Sadly, in this cornucopia of fine food, I am unable to find Campbell’s soup. Oh well. Romance is never all it’s cracked up to be.

If you live near Chicago, this paradise of produce is in Niles, the Fresh Farms at Touhy near the Wal-Mart.

You should go. Be sure to say hi.

I’ll be the one with the three kids who are loudly arguing Dora vs. Danimals in the yoghurt aisle.

Even Pollyanna has difficult moments.

All my best,

-liz

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OK, so by now you’ve noticed that I was away for a while. Let’s just say my own elephants came out and needed to be slowly and carefully talked off the cliff. Since I didn’t have Tina around to help mediate, it took a while.

But I’m back.

Here’s what happened:

Thanks to my amazing brother and his lovely bride, my girls and I spent nearly two weeks in Nebraska. I know, we’re trend-setters, vacationing in such a spot. We tickled chickens (and had a wonderful time with @victoriashmoria on twitter discussing the implications of chicken tickling). We connected with old friends. My kids even drove a tractor. We looked at corn and soybeans. It was awesome.

Then there was my patient husband, who stayed home with our senile but still goofy dog, cleaned out the basement and assembled a new TV cabinet. I think he also became good friends of the staff at the Whole Foods deli, too, but he isn’t talking about that side of the story.

And my wonderful clients waited for me, and stored up all the great details of their lives to share when I got back. I even got to re-connect with someone I worked with several months ago, who is now ready to move to the next step. How cool is that?

In between all this there was a birthday for a certain-special-now-10-year-old, juggling summer camps and multiple playdates, and even a few breakfast-ey opportunities to sneak away for a cup of coffee and a chat. And the most lovely, encouraging, what-I-most-needed-to-hear-at-the-moment letter from my friend Jessica (@slackermomspeak).

All these are treasures.

And now there’s something new:

I’ll call the new thing FOCUS. I know, it can be a scary word. It always seems to be something I tend to avoid.

But I’m really kind of diggin’ it.

Focus means not worrying about all the other stuff around me. Focus just means I do what I do (and having the courage to admit that I’m damned good at it!).

Focus means I get to reach out to more people and say: Here’s what I do. Being able to say: Here’s how I can help.

It means getting to connect with new people, which is cool.

As long as it’s not speed-networking. That is not cool.

Now there’s also something old:

Old is the new focus.

Hope that makes sense.

By old, I mean doing things the way I love them and the way they work for me, rather than doing things the way other people do them.

It’s connecting with people who need my help — sometimes with their elephants, sometimes with other things.

It’s talking with them where they are comfortable — rather than being that-lady-with-an-office-they-must-go-see. Sometimes it means being outside if it’s nice, at their home if that’s most comfortable, over the phone if they live far away.

It means giving the very few the very best, especially if it means being highly original.

I love original. Don’t you?

It means being a human extension cord who connects people with resources and contacts to help them stretch to their goals.

And now there’s proof that the old works:

On Monday I heard from someone who is one of my “right people”. She is wonderful — no, amazingly brilliant is a better description — at what she does. She had been put in an impossible situation last year and, like most impossible situations, it didn’t work out. By the end of the year she was miserable. She lost her job, and her confidence was shattered.

I’m like the baking soda of self confidence for my right people — I get right in there and mix everything up to make sure things start rising. So we started with the basics. Goals. Desires. Grieving. Contacts. Good old-fashioned networking. Coffee. Making sure face-to-face connections were happening.

On Monday, she called to say she got THE job. Not just any job, but a job that she is going to be spectacular at. I stood in my living room and bounced up and down while we cheered — and cried — together about this happy event.

Now this is a woman who has probably sent out hundreds of resumes in the past few months. She’s networked with everyone imaginable. She stayed strong (even though she cried many, many tears).

And she will now be making an obscene amount of money (far more than before) and be in a position of authority and have more fun than she could imagine.

Yes, there is a Santa Claus. And you’d better believe that he networks his ass off and has a really good support system.

Hope all is well with you. I missed you.

-liz

We’re in Nebraska, visiting my brother and his family for the holiday.

If you’ve ever driven from Chicago to Nebraska, you understand that it’s not perhaps the most exciting drive.

Having done it hundreds of times, however, I dearly love it because the road brings me home. It’s so good to drive and think for 500 miles.

Near Adair, Iowa, which is between Des Moines and Omaha, we found something really exciting that has developed just in the past couple of years — windfarms. Here’s a peek. Although this video is taken from a different area, it was the one that conveyed the experience: Iowa wind farm near arcadia, IA

These beautiful structures are so lovely to watch — like seeing beautiful sculptures or performance art. I wish there was some sort of “pull-over” where you could stop and watch (and find out more about what’s happening).

My oldest said it looks like someone doing cartwheels. My youngest asked if it was a circus. And middle girl was asleep.

Check out this video I found, although it’s hard to convey the experience of looking out and seeing the horizon moving and swaying in a kind of beautiful dance.

Enjoy. Talk to you soon.

Oh, yeah, and I’m required by Nebraska law (and by my family) to say this: Go Huskers.

Technorati Tags: peace happiness and love

Yesterday was a glorious day.

This was despite the fact that the mighty Knights lost 9-8 in their softball championship, for those of you who are regular readers. There was some disappointment, but our team had a grand slam home run and other notable accomplishments, so it was a victory in our minds.

So there I was at the park yesterday with my girls. You should know that I am not a hover parent. Unless one of my kids is really, really stuck and in danger of falling, I usually keep myself parked on a bench and let them work things out for themselves. The little ones get pushes on the swings, but that’s about it.

At one point two beautiful girls came to the park with the grandmother, and both girls were full of energy and ready to go. They were tall enough to get onto the swings by themselves, which they did right away.

And then they did something very interesting.

They did nothing.

The two beautiful, capable little girls waited until their grandmother came over to push them. They didn’t even try to get started on their own. They didn’t cooperate and push each other.

It made me think of how many times in my own life I’ve been capable of doing something, but I held back. I waited for the push. I didn’t struggle and flail like mad to get going. I delayed that feeling of soaring and almost flying and instead stayed tethered to the ground.

Sometimes, it’s been because another person told me they were going to give me a push, and sometimes that kept me stuck in my tracks.

So my question for today is this:  Why are you waiting? Do you really need to wait for someone else to push you, or can you do it yourself?

Color me happy this morning.

Here’s why:  this morning I’m the proudest of mammas.

My daughter, who is 9, plays softball. Actually, it’s more accurate to say she lives and breathes softball.

Last night, her team (the Knights) played in their second playoff game. Last year the team lost in the second round, but we were so absolutely delighted and astounded to have won the first game it felt like winning the world series anyway.

This year, it was different. This is a team of girls who came with some business to take care of.

Last night, not only did they win, but they played well. Really well.

And they had fun, both on the field and off.

They were out there talking to each other on the field, reminding each other, cheering each other on. They were completely focused on their mission.

They were dousing themselves with cold water in between innings and were more concerned about advancing the runners than scoring themselves.

Before the game a couple of team members asked what would happen if this was the last game. They were were quickly told by others that this was their second-to-the-last game. Period. The expectation was that on Saturday they were planning to be in the finals.

And they won 5-0.

Oh, happiness.

Last night, as my 4-year-old settled down for bedtime, she went over to her little sister. She made sure she was tucked in, that she had her teddy bear, and gave her a kiss. Then she grinned and told me she’d given her a kiss.

After a day of hand-to-hand combat over who got to sit in the Dora chair and other details of life, it was good to see peace play out in their world. Nothing big or exciting, just a moment.

Any examples of peace in your world? I’d love to hear from you.

Last night I went to an amazing group, hosted by Fred.

Fred is a bit of an expert on the Law of Attraction. I’ve been interested in this for quite some time, reading and listening and trying to add it to my practice of meditation during the last few months.

Well, last night I was able to ditch the kids for a couple of hours and go to a meeting hosted by Fred.

Wow. Clarity. The discussion was amazing, and I have to say that Fred set such a warm tone for all of us. We talked about getting caught in the dreaded “loop” — no, Chicagoans, not that loop, although I dread that one too! — and Fred offered a bit of advice.

About mid-way through the meeting I felt like the heavens opened up and clarity arrived. Well, for a moment. All the signs are here. You are here, and you are one of the signs.

How fun is that?

The path is illuminated. I just have to stop going down my “should” path and stick with the one I’m being shown. The should path is so enticing and comfortable, and it’s the one everybody is on. I know, I’ve talked about the should path before. But I keep ignoring my own advice.

It’s… really…. hard… to… step… off… the… should… path…!

If that makes no sense, don’t worry. I’m still trying to make sense of it.

I also realized that one of the most intense feelings I’ve had since starting my own business has been fear. Fear of failure. Fear of how others will see me. Fear that clients won’t find me. Fear that clients will find me but that I will somehow disappoint them. Fear of paying the mortgage. Fear of my accountant. Fear of having to get a real job. The list of fear goes on and on.

And you know what? As a result of those fears, I’ve attracted all those things that I fear.

As someone said last night, “Fear is faith in a negative direction.”

It’s like an example from our discussion last night, of the person running for a touchdown. Everybody is cheering and the person is running like mad. The only problem is he’s going the wrong way.

This morning I got up early and meditated, then took a few minutes to journal about what is working. So much is working:

• I get to write and use my creativity on my blog in a way that’s helpful to others every day
• I’m connected with so many other amazing people all over the globe in a community that’s discussing growth and change through blogs, on twitter, and in all sorts of other fun ways (including my girls in our “happiness project group”)
• I’m creating more peace, happiness and love for myself, my family, and my friends
• I’m able to spend the time I need to with my kids
• I’ve written the “Elephant Manifesto” that I’m going to share with the world soon, and I can hardly wait for you to read it
• Somehow, we’re managing to make ends meet and raise happy kids

There are a few things I do want:

• I want to have enough money that I don’t need to worry about it (I have an amount in mind, but it seems way too icky to share that)
• I want to have coaching clients who will pay me and who will work with me openly and honestly (again, it seems too icky for me to arbitrarily set an amount that someone must pay me to get my help or a time frame — that seems like a judgement, like saying “no, your problem isn’t for me” simply because you can’t afford some amount I say I must have. Yuck. I’m not going there.)
• I want to be able to help others in ways that are caring and fun and meaningful for both of us
• I want a housekeeper who will clean the bathroom (well, if I’m asking, I might as well get what I really want!)

As I said, I’m still trying to make sense of all this.

I’m also realizing that I’ve been hoarding a few things that I’ve written and that may be helpful to others, so my priority in the next few days is to get those up here and into the universe.

And to focus on being grateful for you. You are my light along the path. Thank you.

I always have “car thoughts”.

You know, those little bits of inspiration that hit you while you’re doing the endless cycle of dropping off and picking up that seems to go along with the role “mom”?

Here are my car thoughts for this morning, as I considered little things I do to show my kids I love them. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. Stop multi-tasking and focus on them. I can’t tell you how much better it feels to stop trying to do 18 things at once and allow myself to sit down and read a book or do something with my kids. And the laundry and dishes will still be there.
2. Play. Take time to participate in what your kids are doing. I’ll never forget the time our favorite priest actually took the time to help my daughter put the shoes onto one of her dolls, and neither will she.  He did what was really important in the moment and connected with her. So color the sidewalk. Help with the mud pie. Relax and become a participant rather than an observer.
3. Dance and sing. Secret truth:  I record episodes of the “Big Joe Polka Show” and we sometimes polka in the living room. I was raised in a community where every event was an excuse for a polka band, and Big Joe was on the radio on Sunday mornings. It’s far better exercise than aerobics, and my kids love it.
4. Tickle and laugh. See if you can reduce both yourself and your kids into a big giggly pile of goo a couple of times a day. Be silly. We grown-ups need to do more tickling.
5. Say “yes”. Once in an elevator, a grandma-type was explaining to a little girl that they were going to practice saying “yes.” I thought that was a fabulous idea, and I try to consciously institute a day for this every so often. It makes me really think about whether all the “no’s” in my life are necessary.

What are your ways?

Technorati Tags: love

Surprise — it’s Tuesday! Thank you note Tuesday is happening on Thursday, in part due to the fact that my kids were sick this week and I’ve had to sit on two of them (gently, but sit nonetheless) to give them eye drops 3 times a day. Not fun.

Since this is a moment I am not sitting on my children, I will be brief: Thank you to Havi, for helping me continue to look at my stuff and for having helped me not understand how to understand Twitter — such a useful and strategic non strategery.

The other thank you goes to Naomi. I signed up for a new little email course at Ittybiz. It’s amazingly good. Thinky and cool and extremely helpful. Particularly when you need something to think about in between restraining your children.

Anyway, I realize this week that my ideal thing is proving more difficult to find. I also realize that my husband and kids will soon be out of school for the summer and I will have precious little time to sit and contemplate my navel any further.

I have also been thinking about something Havi says all the time, which is that not putting your thing out there for your right people denies them the opportunity to get something they need. I’m not putting it very well, but she says something to that effect.

I have about 15 years of experience working with kids as a social worker, and on top of that I have 10 years of being a parent to my own kids. For some reason, I’ve written a great deal about children — how to feed them, how to keep them from having tantrums while your mother-in-law is looking, how to reduce their exposure to toxins, and all kinds of other things.

These are experiences and knowledge that seem so obvious to me it’s almost boring, but I realize that other people need them. I also realize that I do indeed find these issues extremely exciting (proof of what a geek I truly am). Furthermore, I realize that my top priority is to raise my kids, and that many other people share this priority. So it’s time to get in there and share what I know.

So, I’m getting started to share some very specific information with you and others who care about children. First in the lineup is an email series on toddler tantrums. In particular, how to make them stop. You can sign up for the course here.

I’ll also be adding several more goodies in the next week or so, and I’m putting together a group class to begin July 1 that will be called something like “How To Be A Great Parent In Difficult Times” or “How To Not Be a Psycho Mom When Your Credit Cards Are Maxed Out” or something. It’s going to be very fun, and I’ll share more as soon as it’s ready.

OK. Hope all is well with you on this Tuesday that’s actually a Thursday!

I’ve always been more than a little fascinated by woodpeckers.

They want something that they can’t quite get from the surface, so they chip away and chip away until, voila, they finally get it.

Any work on my “thing” feels a lot like being a woodpecker. I know  something is down there. It has value and substance and will make me and all the other woodpeckers supremely happy. I want it to come out so bad, but I just…. can’t…. quite…. reach…. it….

It’s tiring. My beak hurts from all this work.

Now, where was I?

Oh. Yeah. Back to the chipping….