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Thank you note Tuesday, week 3
May 19th
Time for thank you notes. Yippee!
It’s becoming a week of stick-to-it-ness, so I’ve limited my reading a bit and kept my nose pretty close to the grindstone. Thus my list is a little shorter than usual.
First, a big huge thank you note to the members of our new happiness group project. We met for the first time last night, and while the kids ran around like maniacs we managed to have an absolutely amazing, enlightening discussion.
And you know what? Staci and Melissa don’t think I’m crazy! Wow, is that good news. Thanks, guys. I can hardly wait to see you again on June 1!
Next, a huge thank you to Slackermomspeaks, who keeps plugging away out there working on her “stuff” and figuring out how to make sense of life. Hang in there, girl. You’re an inspiration.
And thank you, Havi, for letting me see how you and your duck work on your own “stuff”. I have learned so much about myself through you and all you offer every day. I honestly don’t know how you do it!
Finally, thank you to YOU if you are reading this. Yes, YOU!
Lots of loud clapping. Standing ovation.
You are wonderful. Really, you can never hear that often enough. I love all the contributions you are making to my life and to the lives of those you care about. Whether you know it or not, you’re leading me out into the sunlight. Thanks.
Have a rockin’ cool day.
Swinging At Pitches
May 18th
The other night at my daughter’s softball game, one of the girls struck out. We were all a little surprised. She’s a pretty good batter.
Later, her mom asked her casually what happened. “I know the pitcher, mom. I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.”
Oh.
Her comment hit me like a Greyhound bus.
Good God, I swing at pitches all the time just so I don’t hurt the pitcher’s feelings!
Gulp. Silence.
Wow.
There are so many times in my life when I do what is expected of me. You too? We all do. We have to, much of the time, to keep the wheels of our lives turning. Sometimes we think this is the way to keep the peace.
Instead, we end up with inner turmoil because it’s just out of sync with what we need.
Sometimes, we need to not swing as others expect. We need to let other people be responsible for their own feelings, come what may, and take a baby step toward caring for ourselves first.
This is hard, particularly for people like me who have been brought up with this incredible sense of responsibility and – dare I say it — good old-fashioned Catholic guilt. I should go to church. I should attend my college reunion. I should get involved in every school event. I should have a perfectly clean house. I should cook dinner every night. I should be exhausted from working so hard. The list goes on and on.
It’s hard to do what you need, rather than what you should.
I realize I’ve been hanging on for dear life, swinging away at those pitches, for fear of letting my brother and my parents down in an area of my own life. I’ve somehow relegated myself to status of an observer rather than a bona fide player in the game.
I’ve been terrified of what they might think. That by taking the action my soul tells me to take I might hurt other people’s feelings. I’ve been scared that it might somehow sever ties that I treasure. Scared that my parents (who, incidentally, have both been dead for over ten years) might not respect my need.
Now isn’t that interesting.
There have been so many tears over this issue, and so much angst. I feel like I’ve been in limbo for years, under some strange spell.
An amazing thing happened yesterday after I finally got this into my head that I can make the decision I want. For the first time in a long time, I’ve been able to think about some of the other “elephants” in my life. For me, who has a closet full of elephants that are all really ignored and needy, this is a huge deal.
It’s not what is expected of me, but it’s what I expect of myself that is important.
Take care, and all my love. And don’t swing at any pitches unless you are ready. But if you are ready, get out there and hit a home run.
Owies and Peace, Happiness and Love In Action
May 14th
Band-aids are a form of currency in our household. They are treasured by my kids, and every owie no matter how small seems to require one.
This got me thinking: An owie is never really dealt with until it has been cared for with love.
But somewhere between the age of 4 and 40, we stop paying attention to our owies. We leave them exposed yet we expect them to be ok. We no longer tell people openly that we have them, and we no longer expect others to kiss them and offer us protection.
Thus, there are a lot of unhealed, exposed owies out there. Ouch.
That lead me into thinking about something else: How can I help others? What is it you need that I can, maybe in my own small way, do for you?
And that, my dear friends, is leading me to put peace, happiness and love into action. I’m going to try to help with the owies.
Now, I know may sound a bit crazy and I have no idea what might happen. I only know that hopefully it will help people who need to connect and communicate, and it will enable me be the little extension-cord-of-life that I so dearly love being.
I know people are hurting. Lots and lots of owies are going untreated.
There is entirely too much pain in the world right now. We need to start giving our owies the love and attention they need.
Thank you note Tuesday, week 2
May 12th
Wow. It’s been a busy week full of growth here at the very super-secret world headquarters for the peace happiness and love blog. My thank you notes this week will give you a peek at what’s been happening:
First, thank you to everyone for stopping by and commenting last week. You have no idea, guys, how exciting that was for me. You know who you are, and you know I love ya.
Next, a big poster-sized thank you note to Gretchen at The Happiness Project. Just so you know, my gals and I have our own Happiness Project Group ready to kick off next Monday night… so soon the world better watch out when Staci, Margo, Denise, Melissa, Laurel and I get going! If you need the scoop on a Happiness Project of your own, be sure to visit Gretchen’s website.
I’ve been scooching around on Twitter and other places, getting lots of updates and reading like a maniac. One of my recent discoveries has been Suzanne Falter-Barnes, who did an amazing interview recently with Pam Slim (the “Escape from Cubicle Nation” author and blogger). Suzanne, you’ve really got it happenin’ over there at your blog, and Pam, I’m absolutely in awe of you. Both of you rock. Thanks ever so much for all the goodies, both of you!
Speaking of Twitter, this week my followers have gone through the roof (ok, perhaps it’s a low roof, but it’s still a roof). While I try to get a grip on this new mode of communication for me, I wanted to let all of you know how much I appreciate you paying even a split second’s worth of attention to me.
Thank you, each one of my new “Tweople” (eeew… I should never say that again. It felt creepy and could lead to “twenemies”). I’m still getting to know all of you, but I can tell many of us are going to be good friends.
Last but not least…
Finally, as I mentioned last week, I’ve finally figured out my “thing” and have decided to begin more openly sharing it with others.
(Now there’s a sentence I really hope my priest doesn’t read!)
But seriously, I’ve started by setting up some “playdates” — all free. Basically, it’s the kind of info you’d share with a good friend during the 30 seconds you get to talk when you take your kids to the park. Something funny, something to think about.
Playdate is definitely more appropriate.
Now please don’t think “serious”. No. It’s all really super fun with sugar on top. They’re not going to be serious, but rather relaxing and giggly. And there will eventually be recordings and an “elephant manifesto” once the picky elephant is ready for it to spread worldwide.
I hope you’ll take a peek at my “Let’s Play!” page and maybe — just maybe — sign up so we can have playdates.
My inner 4-year-old is screaming — Ooooh. It’s gonna be so much fun! You should! You should! Just say yes!
My inner 40-ish-year-old is calmly saying, yes, click the link. Do it before I have to twitter my tweople.
Well, that’s it for now. Thanks everyone — I feel so amazingly fortunate to have met you and I’ve learned so much from you. I can hardly wait to see what happens next!
Love for Mom
May 8th
I was going to write something deeply moving and slightly sad about mothers day. Nah.
Then I started thinking of my own mom and what she would have enjoyed.
So I’m going to send you on a little visit to an artist whose work takes my breath away. This particular one, “Peace on Earth“, is just stunning.
Enjoy.
If you kind of sort of thought this post was fun, here’s another on love: “Yay! It’s Love Day“
Peace, Happiness and Love in Action Week 2
May 7th
This morning I have to warn you: I’m grumpy. Grumpy with a capital G.
This is partly due to all my little people being up late last night for the school spring concert. It’s partly due to not being able to sleep and staying up to channel surf between “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Sleepless in Seattle.”
But it’s mostly due to having listened to “Stairway to Heaven” performed on handbells during the above-mentioned concert. I’m not kidding.
So this morning I’m thinking, wow, how on earth am I gonna do this? How will I be able to write about peace, love and happiness in action when I can’t even find 8 pairs of clean socks in their various assorted sizes and acceptable (aka, pink) colors? How can I write when all I really want to do is to go back to bed (except for the fact that I can’t because there’s a huge pile of laundry on the bed now thanks to having to rummage for the socks).
Blech. Double blech.
Then it happened. I was driving past a huge high school here in Chicago, and a little entsy weensy miracle moment happened.
Now in case you haven’t noticed, most of the kids on their way to high school look like they hope the sidewalk might open up and swallow them up before they get there. I feel so incredibly bad for them. They just look so miserable. It’s like they’re off to join a chain gang (or to play you-know-what on the handbells).
Anyway, this girl comes bounding down the stairs, smiling hugely. She hugs this big boy, who grins from ear to ear. It was one of those hugs with an extra little schquweeze in it at the end. The really good friend kind, not a romantic one.
Then she bounces back into the school. He continues walking down the sidewalk. The whole thing took about 15 seconds, if that.
Wow. Not usual let-me-blend-into-the-shrubbery behavior from teens.
It made me wonder, is there anything better than a hug?
I don’t mean a creepy-get-away-from-me hug, or an I-have-to-hug-you-but-I’d-rather-go-play-the-handbells hug.
Hugging is a risk. A hug leaves you open and vulnerable. Other people can see it, and this could cause problems for both hugger and huggee.
But it is a moment when we stop for a split second. Sometimes we breathe in deeply. In a genuine hug we share peace, we have a moment of happiness, and we have an opportunity to share our love.
I once worked for a wonderful woman named Sylvia. I adored her. She had the key qualities in a really great supervisor — she got really interesting and amazing manicures every week, she was the best-ever consultant on lunchtime carryout, and she was absolutely fearless and completely supportive.
When you work in the world of child welfare and have cases that are unbelievably scary and icky, you really need someone with these qualities.
Anyway, after we would get back from court (icky icky icky), or had some sort of crisis (which was pretty much all the time), Sylvia would always offer a hug. It was one of those motherly, comforting, it-will-be-ok hugs that makes problems feel better.
Now, I understand, hugging is not for everybody. Some people just don’t like it and that’s ok. I know far more than I ever wanted to know about the whole “good touch bad touch” thing, and am a huge proponent of what let’s call “ethical hugging”. AKA, you should only hug if the huggee has given his/her consent.
Anyway, back to Sylva. I realized this morning that miss hugs. Hugs from people who understand.
Know what I mean? There’s something about getting a hug from someone who knows what you’re going through that is so comforting.
I know there are actually people who read this blog. Yay! I have readers!
I wish this morning, for all my grumpiness, that I could give each of you a hug. You are special. We understand each other. I’ve received little messages from many of you and I know we’re on the same wavelength.
I’m not sure what the online equivalent of a hug is… so I’ll send you the thought of a hug. All you have to do is send it back.
Ready? Set? Here it comes!
PS:Â If you kind of liked reading this, here’s my first post on the same topic: Peace, Happiness and Love In Action Week 1.
Happiness and Inspiration
May 6th
Who knew that $3.94 could be so well spent?
This morning in between dropping off my husband’s inhaler for him at school and picking up Claire at preschool, I had about 45 minutes. I know, it’s not much time. But for a mom it’s an eternity.
I thought, perhaps this is a sign that I need to be nice to myself. So I went to the local coffee shop where I steadfastly resisted the temptation to to twitter my brother about something that is fall-off-your-chair hysterically funny. That’s a story for another day.
Instead, I succumbed to coffee and a muffin (blueberry, I’ll have you know. Yummm).
I pulled out a notepad.
At the top, I wrote “Hone in on what is so obvious to you that it hardly bears mentioning.” I found the quote this morning on the “How Third Hand Works Gets In Gear” blog. You should read the entire post. It’s amazing.
I changed it a little — to “Hone in on what is so obvious to you that you are good at that it hardly bears mentioning” (sorry, Cairene, I just can’t help tweaking stuff).
After about 20 minutes of doodling and staring out the window and eavesdropping on a really interesting conversation at the next table, guess what?
I think I found it.
My “thing”. I’ve been thinking about what “my thing” is, looking for it, meditating about it, trying to label it and create it so hard lately.
It’s the thing that I’m just amazingly good at. It’s the thing that my right people need and that I can help them with 100%.
It seemed like it was always behind a brick wall — but I knew it was there.
And this morning, the bricks fell away. And there it was. Shiny and perfect and all ready to roll. It’s been there all along.
The amazing part is that it connects perfectly — seamlessly — with the other “thing” I’ve been working on and writing, and that seems more-than-just-a-little insane unless the two are together.
How amazing is that?
Just had to share. I knew you’d be happy. I am simply and extremely very happy at this moment.
Thanks for reading and being a part of this moment with me.
Thank You Note Tuesdays
May 5th
OK, Tuesday was supposed to be my day to deal with a reader question or something.
But since I’m new, and since I have no comments (well, actually one, left by yours truly to make sure the comments were working properly), I’m changing Tuesdays into “Thank You Note Tuesdays” for now.
Ready? Here are a few people whom I’d like to thank for their help and inspiration:
- A huge thank you to Chris Guillebeau at The Art of Nonconformity. Not only are his blog, manifesto, and other resources just stupendously amazing, he really operates from an honesty that is refreshing. You should read his post on “26 People I Highly Respect“. Really. Read it. Now.
- Another thank you note bedazzled with sequins and stars and with treats inside goes to Havi Brooks and Selma at The Fluent Self. On Sunday I had the privilege of participating in her super cool class on testimonials. One of the great things about Havi (possibly due to Selma’s influence) is that you always get an unexpected little treasure-like bonus from what she has to say. The alignment exercise was, for me, that little treasure. Thanks, Havi.
- Sonia Simone has this amazing email class that’s been helping me figure out what a newsletter is all about and how to do one. Between you and me, I’ve always been terrified about newsletters — they seem so permanent and so important. And people might actually read them. Spooky. But with Sonia, they come with cookies and birthday cake and fun stuff, and are much less scary. I’ve been reading them and preparing my own little cookies and cakes… so thank you Sonia!
- My new friend Slackermomspeaks, who actually tried to leave a comment on my blog (bless you!!!) and who alerted me to the fact that my comments were set at control-freak level. Thank you, and hope you got the positive vibes I sent your way this morning, from a fellow slackermom!
- And finally, to the person who mysteriously left a copy of the Quran on my front door yesterday, thank you. It was such a loving gesture, put in a nice little plastic bag to keep it safe. I promise to take good care of it and to actually read it. How did you know? I don’t know who you are, or why you left it, or how you knew that it’s a book I’d always meant to read but never got around to. Thank you, and may good things like peace, happiness and love be part of your life.
Take care, and thank you to YOU with sprinkles on top for reading this. Have a wonderful day.
Happy Peace Day
May 4th
Is it even possible for someone with three children under the age of 10 to write about the word “peace”?
I don’t know. You be the judge.
Last week I was reading a blog — not sure which one, I’ve lost track — and the author was talking about how to incorporate peaceful moments into one’s day. It was a lovely, thoughtful piece, suggesting that everyday activities such as cleaning and cooking dinner could become opportunities for peace and meditation.
That made me scream with laughter. Seriously.
This person has never seen the Playskool crackden I live in. There is nothing meditative about having so little time for cleaning that you have to prioritize carpet stains.
Cooking is not meditative for me, either. I imagine it must be like cooking on a pirate ship that is being plundered. Little people are gonna die if I don’t get that mac-and-cheese out there PRONTO. They’re in the ‘fridge, pulling things out on their own. They’re throwing things off the shelves in the pantry. They’re collapsing, screaming, crying.
See?
Peace for me is, well, different.
Peace is not quiet. It is not meditative.
No, despite all the noise and insanity, I do feel at peace. Sometimes.
Someday it will be quiet around here and my kids will probably be texting me to find out what’s for dinner. I’ll look back and actually miss these days.
Peace, to me, is the moment within all this craziness when I can look at what’s happening and say, “yes.” It’s that satisfying moment when my little one has just learned how to move forward by herself on her bike. Or I’m clapping like mad during a concert in the living room. Or looking at that carpet stain and knowing that it happened during the creation of a particularly great piece of art. Or feeling a little hand squeeze mine.
Those are my moments of peace. I breathe. I take it in. And then I move on to what’s next.
Yay! It’s Love Day Here at Peace Happiness and Love!
May 1st
We all “love” Fridays, so I thought this would be the perfect day to reflect on love.
I have to admit, this has been a tough topic. Much harder than I thought.
Part of that stems from the fact that real love is, I think, mixed up with so many other things. Patience. Trust. Honesty. Consistency.
I find that it is sometimes easier to love others and to think about loving others when we think about love.
But what we first need to do (and what is hardest sometimes to do) is to love ourselves.
How does that sit with you?
Now I don’t mean this in a selfish way. I don’t mean not caring for those people in our lives who love us and need us, and whom we also love and need. Our kids, our colleagues, our family and friends.
No, I mean loving ourselves in a way that takes care of us and our needs so we can be better for those people.
Sorry to go all Ayn Rand on you, but it is kind of a deep thought for a Friday.
Thinking back on the work I often do with people in therapy, one of the first things we often look at is “accepting reality”. And since people rarely come to therapy for themselves (they come to “fix” something or someone but almost never to fix themselves), often there is the need to accept the reality about and of another person.
So let’s say that the relationship between a parent and child isn’t working. Arguments are happening. Feelings are getting hurt. It’s nasty.
We start by looking at the real situation. Whatever that may be.
We take a big basket and start tossing out the “shoulds” and the “musts”. She “should” have good grades goes right out the window. She “must” never get detention is zapped out of existence from now on.
We accept what is real and now. This can take a long, long time. It’s almost never a one-session-deal. It’s also sometimes a deal-breaker, because people don’t want to accept reality. They might have built a whole identity around the shoulds and musts, and might not want to change.
This leaves me thinking: I wonder whether we really have taken the time to look at ourselves and accept reality.
Hmmm.
What’s the reality — and what are the “musts” and “shoulds” that have crept into your world?
Hmmm. Hmmmm.
Too scary?
If it is, and it might very well be, it’s OK.
To help you get a grip, I highly suggest a brilliant post written by Havi and Selma entitled “Not All Monsters Like Cookies“. You should read it. Havi and Selma are brilliant.
It helped me realize that not only have I been giving my monsters cookies, I’ve been making them homemade chocolate chip ones and their entire families have moved in as a result. Eviction proceedings are gonna start.
Read. Enjoy. Think. And let me know.
All my peace, happiness and love to you,
-liz