This brings up a question: I wonder what she thinks I do during the day? Our summertime schedule included lots of visits to the park and the pool and other fun excursions. I wonder whether she thinks I’m at the park, playing in the sand all by myself or wishing I had someone to push on the swings.

Anyway, back to the story. She started Monday. So far, every night she has asked me to let her know when school will end… as if it will not be the one constant in her life for the next 20 to 25 years. Every night there have been tears, pleas to not go back, and refusals to continue. And every night I have reassured her that it will get better and that we need to go back and try every day.

I thought, as we discussed the day’s events before bedtime last night, how amazing it is that I have someone in my life who loves me so much that she actually cries when she is away from me. I don’t think I’d ever thought about it that way before. What a truly miraculous thing her love is.

Even for me, it’s so hard to be new and to be away from those I care most about. My natural tendency is to stick with the familiar, the known, the comfortable. When I have to go outside of my comfort zone it takes a lot of energy.

I can imagine what it might be like for her. Surrounded by others who probably miss their own mommies and who occasionally break down in tears. Having to learn things like sitting still and lining up, when in the past these things were never needed. Learning to be patient, to share, and to be quiet. I’ve never mastered those three myself.

This morning we arrived, and the beauty of kindergarten kicked in.

Two of her classmates, both of them also close to tears this morning, gave her hugs. Her teachers — two amazing women whom I’m so thankful for — welcomed her with smiles that were just right for the moment, took her hand, and calmly led my little basket of nerves over to her other classmates.

In a couple of minutes she was going into the school with her classmates for another day of adventure — which I can hardly wait to hear about this afternoon. I know we may cry more, but we’ll keep at it.

That’s the beauty of kindergarten. We make big changes but we don’t dwell on what’s wrong. We get on with the having fun part, and we see all the changes as part of the adventure.

Hope all is well in your world. Have a great day, and a great adventure. (And Ms. G and Ms. W — thank you for being so wonderful).

-liz

You know, those little bits of inspiration that hit you while you’re doing the endless cycle of dropping off and picking up that seems to go along with the role “mom”?

Here are my car thoughts for this morning, as I considered little things I do to show my kids I love them. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

1. Stop multi-tasking and focus on them. I can’t tell you how much better it feels to stop trying to do 18 things at once and allow myself to sit down and read a book or do something with my kids. And the laundry and dishes will still be there.
2. Play. Take time to participate in what your kids are doing. I’ll never forget the time our favorite priest actually took the time to help my daughter put the shoes onto one of her dolls, and neither will she.  He did what was really important in the moment and connected with her. So color the sidewalk. Help with the mud pie. Relax and become a participant rather than an observer.
3. Dance and sing. Secret truth:  I record episodes of the “Big Joe Polka Show” and we sometimes polka in the living room. I was raised in a community where every event was an excuse for a polka band, and Big Joe was on the radio on Sunday mornings. It’s far better exercise than aerobics, and my kids love it.
4. Tickle and laugh. See if you can reduce both yourself and your kids into a big giggly pile of goo a couple of times a day. Be silly. We grown-ups need to do more tickling.
5. Say “yes”. Once in an elevator, a grandma-type was explaining to a little girl that they were going to practice saying “yes.” I thought that was a fabulous idea, and I try to consciously institute a day for this every so often. It makes me really think about whether all the “no’s” in my life are necessary.

What are your ways?

Then I started thinking of my own mom and what she would have enjoyed.

So I’m going to send you on a little visit to an artist whose work takes my breath away. This particular one, “Peace on Earth“, is just stunning.

Enjoy.

If you kind of sort of thought this post was fun, here’s another on love: “Yay! It’s Love Day“

I have to admit, this has been a tough topic. Much harder than I thought.

Part of that stems from the fact that real love is, I think, mixed up with so many other things. Patience. Trust. Honesty. Consistency.

I find that it is sometimes easier to love others and to think about loving others when we think about love.

But what we first need to do (and what is hardest sometimes to do) is to love ourselves.

How does that sit with you?

Now I don’t mean this in a selfish way. I don’t mean not caring for those people in our lives who love us and need us, and whom we also love and need. Our kids, our colleagues, our family and friends.

No, I mean loving ourselves in a way that takes care of us and our needs so we can be better for those people.

Sorry to go all Ayn Rand on you, but it is kind of a deep thought for a Friday.

Thinking back on the work I often do with people in therapy, one of the first things we often look at is “accepting reality”. And since people rarely come to therapy for themselves (they come to “fix” something or someone but almost never to fix themselves), often there is the need to accept the reality about and of another person.

So let’s say that the relationship between a parent and child isn’t working. Arguments are happening. Feelings are getting hurt. It’s nasty.

We start by looking at the real situation. Whatever that may be.

We take a big basket and start tossing out the “shoulds” and the “musts”. She “should” have good grades goes right out the window. She “must” never get detention is zapped out of existence from now on.

We accept what is real and now. This can take a long, long time. It’s almost never a one-session-deal. It’s also sometimes a deal-breaker, because people don’t want to accept reality. They might have built a whole identity around the shoulds and musts, and might not want to change.

This leaves me thinking: I wonder whether we really have taken the time to look at ourselves and accept reality.

Hmmm.

What’s the reality — and what are the “musts” and “shoulds” that have crept into your world?

Hmmm. Hmmmm.

Too scary?

If it is, and it might very well be, it’s OK.

To help you get a grip, I highly suggest a brilliant post written by Havi and Selma entitled “Not All Monsters Like Cookies“. You should read it. Havi and Selma are brilliant.

It helped me realize that not only have I been giving my monsters cookies, I’ve been making them homemade chocolate chip ones and their entire families have moved in as a result. Eviction proceedings are gonna start.

Read. Enjoy. Think. And let me know.

All my peace, happiness and love to you,

-liz