Fiction Journal

Those winning Knights!

June 25, 2009 – 5:57 am

Color me happy this morning.

Here’s why: this morning I’m the proudest of mammas.

My daughter, who is 9, plays softball. Actually, it’s more accurate to say she lives and breathes softball.

Last night, her team (the Knights) played in their second playoff game. Last year the team lost in the second round, but we were so absolutely delighted and astounded to have won the first game it felt like winning the world series anyway.

This year, it was different. This is a team of girls who came with some business to take care of.

Last night, not only did they win, but they played well. Really well.

And they had fun, both on the field and off.

They were out there talking to each other on the field, reminding each other, cheering each other on. They were completely focused on their mission.

They were dousing themselves with cold water in between innings and were more concerned about advancing the runners than scoring themselves.

Before the game a couple of team members asked what would happen if this was the last game. They were were quickly told by others that this was their second-to-the-last game. Period. The expectation was that on Saturday they were planning to be in the finals.

And they won 5-0.

Oh, happiness.

Back again? That's awesome. Thanks for stopping by!

By Liz | Posted in happiness | Comments (0)

Yay! It’s Thank You Note Tuesday!

June 23, 2009 – 2:09 pm

I must admit that I keep thinking it’s Wednesday. Mostly because my daughter had a softball game last night and they are usually on Tuesdays.

Her team won, making it to the semi-finals, in a wicked-cool blow-out. When you’re 9, that’s huge.

OK, back to business. This morning I got myself out of the house before 7:30, which is when I’m usually trying to coax the toaster oven into just one more morning of dutiful service.

Instead went to a real, live networking event here in Evanston.

Much to my surprise (and horror) it was a speed-networking event.

Egads. That is about the worst thing imaginable for a coffee-deprived writer of elephant manifestos.

I went there to promote something that I’m doing more and more of these days (and yes, Jen, I am finally taking your advice!). I’ve officially started reaching out to more small, local businesses, talking to them about how to use blogs, establish really fun e-newsletters, showing them how twitter can be fun and beneficial, and all kinds of other things that it turns out my friends who own businesses need. If you’d like to find out more, visit my new “Remarkable Biz Blogs” page.

Well, somehow I managed to survive speed networking. That was largely thanks to the fact that I made a new and very sweet friend, Susie Gray,of susangraywellness.com, who is a craniosacral therapist. Just saying it sounds relaxing. It turns out she works a lot with kids, and we had a lovely conversation. She was my networking partner at about the midway point through the speed networking thing. Thanks, Susie, for helping me get a grip — and I can hardly wait to connect again.

I have to say there were so many nice people. To my great surprise I won a water bottle (which above-mentioned 9-year-old has already declared dibs on) from Cherie McKeage of cherieloans.com, a local mortgage planner.

I was with Lauren Galuszka of CJE SeniorLife when I won the water bottle. We had just been talking about what a good-lookin’ bottle that was. Lauren works with the elderly and her facility is fantastic. I can tell she’s an idea person, so we’re gonna get along just fine.

Joseph A. Smith was delightful to talk to, even though we had a whopping 2.5 minutes for conversation. He’s a financial planning expert, and we had enough time to mutually agree that these days many people are making some truly awful financial decisions.

My first new friend at the table was Hal Koughn, hal@halkoughn.com. He’s a very experienced Chief Operations Officer-kind-of-guy, so what he offers is like a “rent a C.O.O.” service for small, local businesses. I thought that was brilliant and very useful. He also lives right down the street from where I used to, and former neighbors are often very nice people indeed.

Brooke Saucier of the Evanston Chamber of Commerce and I had a memorable but brief conversation about twitter and about stay-at-home parenting. Many thanks to him for making me feel comfortable right from the start.

I also made a new friend in David LeRoy of Diagnostics Technical Support. David is one of those really, really fun and helpful folks you call when your computer has driven you almost to the point where you need someone like me for therapy.

Last-but-not-least were mortgage consultant John Noyes who has such a friendly way about him, and the passionate-about-doing-taxes-right Katherine Chung. I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you much better — and hopefully being able to spend longer than 3 minutes talking to you!

A special thanks also goes to David Levine of Illinois Nut & Candy. David, you should know that my kids are super impressed that I actually know someone in the candy industry. And I have friends whose children need gluten-free-everything, so that was 2.5 minutes well spent. The bribes were also very timely and well received!

Online, so many wonderful people to thank this week.

People are starting to subscribe to the “toddler tantrums” e-course, which is magnificent. I’ve also been in touch with several of them, and will soon be posting another e-course on child nutrition and behavior (the e-book is already on the “free stuff” page if you just can’t wait).

So much information on twitter, and I’ve found such amazing and inspiring people there. At the top of the list are @sparkyfirepants, an artist who is also a genuinely nice guy and who it turns out likes Effie, and of course my real-life big brother and general fun guy to hang out with, @oldermac (which makes me “younger mac”, I guess).

I also want to thank my happiness project group members, Staci (who has just yesterday given herself permission to “not,” which is super cool of her), Susan, Melissa, and Laurel. And of course all our kids. You guys are my center. Thanks for the guidance.

And, thank you to all my readers. And to Effie, who continues to share her wisdom ever so quietly and patiently. (*whisper * nudge * nudge * —> if you haven’t read The Elephant Manifesto yet and shared it, get it now!)

All my love to all of you, and keep rockin’ the world!

Anything you’d like to say thanks for this week? Feel welcome to share!

By Liz | Posted in thank you note tuesdays | Comments (3)

Tina and the Troll

June 16, 2009 – 7:46 pm

A huge bow and wave to Havi, whose post “The Negotiator, the Monster and the Scribe” was the source of inspiration for this discussion. I didn’t quite follow the method exactly, but sometimes trolls can be tricky.

My friend Tina is the moderator. She is sensible, and she always knows the right thing to say. Nothing bad has ever happened to me while Tina was around.

Tina is going to be confronting my Troll, which is the scariest thing I can imagine. I once had to be picked up from preschool in hysterics after a reading of the Three Billy Goats Gruff. Honestly. So scary.

So here we go… I’m going to hand things over to Tina and leave the room.

***Shhh. Don’t tell the troll I was even here!***

Tina: Hello, Mr. Troll. I’m Tina and I’m a friend of Liz’s. She asked me to come over to talk for a moment. Could you come in and sit down?

Troll: I really don’t want to. I have other things to do. I’m very busy.

Tina: It will just take a second. Go ahead. It’s fine to take a break.

Troll: OK. If I have to. [sits begrudgingly and slouches; is smelly]

Tina: I’d like to ask you a question for Liz. She’s very interested in you and what you do.

Troll: I’m her business troll.

Tina: A business troll. That sounds important. You mentioned that you’re very busy. Since I’ve never met you before, could you help me understand what you do?

Troll: I put lots and lots of questions in Liz’s mind to make sure she’s considering all the angles of something before she ever does it. Sometimes all those questions just stop her dead in her tracks for long periods of time. I also do this thing that actually makes her worried about following up with potential customers, and I also kind of haunt her phone to make her think she’s going to talk to people who are mad at her when she picks up her cell phone. That makes her very nervous and keeps her from talking on the phone if she can help it. It’s a big job, full-time.

Tina: Wow. You are really busy. You’re right, that’s a huge job.

Troll: Thanks. I’m really good at what I do. Very effective.

Tina: So can you help me understand a little more about why you do all these really cumbersome things for her? I mean, that sounds like really hard work and it must get a bit tiresome to do all that for her every single day.

Troll: Yeah. I’m trying to protect her from becoming the way she was. When she had a real job she worked all the time and was always away. And then once she started the business she was just non-stop focused on it. And the kids and the house and her husband never got her attention. She never did anything except work, work, work. And she got too exhausted. I’m trying to make sure she doesn’t get that way again.

Tina: Hmmm. So it sounds like if Liz were to do these things, you think she’d get sucked into working all the time?

Troll: Yeah. Absolutely. And she wouldn’t take care of herself.

Tina: Oh, that’s starting to make sense to me. You’re worried she will get sucked into work and not take care of herself and everyone else around her.

Troll: You got it, Einstein.

Tina: Hmmm. That’s very considerate of you. There’s just a little tiny, itsy bitsy thing. You see, the tough thing for Liz is that she actually does need to work sometimes, because otherwise she’s going to have to get a real job and then she will have to work even more and have less flexibility for her family. I’m wondering, is there something we could work out here?

Troll: Well, it’s a little awkward for me. I have these important things and the way I look at it I just need to do them so all of us will be safe.

Tina: Ah. OK. So you want to make sure that Liz doesn’t get sucked into her work – so she has time for her family and her life outside of work – and you also want to make sure she and everybody in her world are safe and cared for. Have I got it so far?

Troll: Yeah. That sounds pretty much like my deal.

Tina: So let me ask you, is there a way that Liz could work, and try to do what she needs to do, and you could be okay with it?

Troll: It would worry me a lot. But I could – maybe – give it a try for a day or so and see what happens.

Tina: So you could let her answer her phone?

Troll: Yeah.

Tina: And you could let her try to do her own thing without making her question everything 100 times?

Troll: Yeah, I guess.

Tina: And could you let her follow up with potential customers and help her feel good about it, since she’s really trying to help them?

Troll: Yeah, I can try.

Tina: And if one day goes okay, would you be willing to try another day after that?

Troll: Well, it will be hard, but I can try.

Tina: OK. I can tell you really care a lot about Liz and you want to make sure she’s safe. I think you’ve done a really super job at those things, and I appreciate you giving Liz a chance to see whether she can take on some of your workload and still be safe. Does that still sound alright?

Troll: Yeah. OK. Well, since my schedule has freed up a bit, I’m gonna go watch Jeopardy now.

Tina: Thanks, Mr. Troll. I’ll let Liz know what we talked about. I’ll go get her… I think she’s hiding in the closet…

By Liz | Posted in Finding the thing | Comments (3)

Introducing the Elephant Manifesto

June 12, 2009 – 8:17 am

Effie and I are so proud this week.

We’re officially introducing the Elephant Manifesto to the world, and most importantly, to you.

“What the heck is an Elephant Manifesto,” you ask?

That’s a really excellent question.

It is narrated by Effie (whose identity will be explained), and it talks about something that is lurking in all of our lives. It also provides a teensy bit of insight into what to do to stop the lurking and start the embracing.

To say more, and to give away the full identity of Effie, would ruin the surprise. And I love surprises.

So just go now, download it, and read it. It’ll be fun. Go here.

Feel welcome to forward it to everybody you know who might have some elephants lurking about. It is my hope that they will find it fun (most importantly) and helpful (a nice secondary benefit).

I’ve received amazing feedback about this which has made me feel like a full-fledged rock star, and would love to have feedback from you, too. Please feel welcome to contact me and add your two cents.

The easiest ways to comment are via in the comments here on the blog, or via twitter (@lizziemcg) or email (liz@lizmcgowen.com).

Hugs and squishes from both me and Effie…

-liz

By Liz | Posted in elephant manifesto and effie the elephant | Tagged elephant manifesto and effie the elephant | Comments (1)

Thank you note Tuesday – and not

June 9, 2009 – 12:59 pm

This week I am practicing Not.

Not doing. Not reading. Not analyzing everything in sight.

Not moving 100 miles an hour. Not pushing and pulling to try to define my path.

It’s been a challenge.

My girls are out of school, so it is kind of a natural time to slow down. No more daily shuttles to and from school, preschool, my office, home, and everywhere in between.

Instead, this is turning into a week of trying to be as quiet as possible. Kind of a thinky week.

I must confess that I have not read many of the blogs I usually read. Instead, I’ve been reading other things.

The best mailman in the world brought my copy of the Nonviolent Communication book recommended by Havi, and it rocks. It also works. It worked the other day when my little one, age 3, was refusing to use the potty at Starbucks (I’m not kidding). This morning I used it to deal with my girls and the living room situation, which looked like insurgents might be underneath the rubble. The rubble is now gone. If you haven’t read this book yet, get a copy asap and just do it. It’s the missing link.

I also must confess that I found a copy at the library of Careless in Red, by my all-time fave mystery author, Elizabeth George. Her books are amazing, but I can’t read them under normal circumstances because they completely take over my life. I was also a little too upset to read this latest one when it came out because I was still grieving over what happened in the last mystery. If you’re an Elizabeth George fan you’ll know instantly what I mean. So, I’ve retreated for a few days into one of her wonderful mystery webs. Ahhh, bliss.

This week I’m focusing on being very quiet and listening. On breathing. On the joy in my life.

As I listen, there is so much to be thankful for. Especially you.

By Liz | Posted in thank you note tuesdays | Tagged thank you note tuesdays | Comments (0)

Peace sleeps

June 8, 2009 – 6:18 am

Last night, as my 4-year-old settled down for bedtime, she went over to her little sister. She made sure she was tucked in, that she had her teddy bear, and gave her a kiss. Then she grinned and told me she’d given her a kiss.

After a day of hand-to-hand combat over who got to sit in the Dora chair and other details of life, it was good to see peace play out in their world. Nothing big or exciting, just a moment.

Any examples of peace in your world? I’d love to hear from you.

By Liz | Posted in peace | Comments (1)

Fear is faith in the wrong direction

June 4, 2009 – 7:09 am

Last night I went to an amazing group, hosted by Fred.

Fred is a bit of an expert on the Law of Attraction. I’ve been interested in this for quite some time, reading and listening and trying to add it to my practice of meditation during the last few months.

Well, last night I was able to ditch the kids for a couple of hours and go to a meeting hosted by Fred.

Wow. Clarity. The discussion was amazing, and I have to say that Fred set such a warm tone for all of us. We talked about getting caught in the dreaded “loop” — no, Chicagoans, not that loop, although I dread that one too! — and Fred offered a bit of advice.

About mid-way through the meeting I felt like the heavens opened up and clarity arrived. Well, for a moment. All the signs are here. You are here, and you are one of the signs.

How fun is that?

The path is illuminated. I just have to stop going down my “should” path and stick with the one I’m being shown. The should path is so enticing and comfortable, and it’s the one everybody is on. I know, I’ve talked about the should path before. But I keep ignoring my own advice.

It’s… really…. hard… to… step… off… the… should… path…!

If that makes no sense, don’t worry. I’m still trying to make sense of it.

I also realized that one of the most intense feelings I’ve had since starting my own business has been fear. Fear of failure. Fear of how others will see me. Fear that clients won’t find me. Fear that clients will find me but that I will somehow disappoint them. Fear of paying the mortgage. Fear of my accountant. Fear of having to get a real job. The list of fear goes on and on.

And you know what? As a result of those fears, I’ve attracted all those things that I fear.

As someone said last night, “Fear is faith in a negative direction.”

It’s like an example from our discussion last night, of the person running for a touchdown. Everybody is cheering and the person is running like mad. The only problem is he’s going the wrong way.

This morning I got up early and meditated, then took a few minutes to journal about what is working. So much is working:

I get to write and use my creativity on my blog in a way that’s helpful to others every day
I’m connected with so many other amazing people all over the globe in a community that’s discussing growth and change through blogs, on twitter, and in all sorts of other fun ways (including my girls in our “happiness project group”)
I’m creating more peace, happiness and love for myself, my family, and my friends
I’m able to spend the time I need to with my kids
I’ve written the “Elephant Manifesto” that I’m going to share with the world soon, and I can hardly wait for you to read it
Somehow, we’re managing to make ends meet and raise happy kids

There are a few things I do want:

I want to have enough money that I don’t need to worry about it (I have an amount in mind, but it seems way too icky to share that)
I want to have coaching clients who will pay me and who will work with me openly and honestly (again, it seems too icky for me to arbitrarily set an amount that someone must pay me to get my help or a time frame — that seems like a judgement, like saying “no, your problem isn’t for me” simply because you can’t afford some amount I say I must have. Yuck. I’m not going there.)
I want to be able to help others in ways that are caring and fun and meaningful for both of us
I want a housekeeper who will clean the bathroom (well, if I’m asking, I might as well get what I really want!)

As I said, I’m still trying to make sense of all this.

I’m also realizing that I’ve been hoarding a few things that I’ve written and that may be helpful to others, so my priority in the next few days is to get those up here and into the universe.

And to focus on being grateful for you. You are my light along the path. Thank you.

By Liz | Posted in Finding the thing, peace happiness and love | Comments (2)

5 ways to share your love with your kids

May 29, 2009 – 7:23 am

I always have “car thoughts”.

You know, those little bits of inspiration that hit you while you’re doing the endless cycle of dropping off and picking up that seems to go along with the role “mom”?

Here are my car thoughts for this morning, as I considered little things I do to show my kids I love them. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

Stop multi-tasking and focus on them. I can’t tell you how much better it feels to stop trying to do 18 things at once and allow myself to sit down and read a book or do something with my kids. And the laundry and dishes will still be there.
Play. Take time to participate in what your kids are doing. I’ll never forget the time our favorite priest actually took the time to help my daughter put the shoes onto one of her dolls, and neither will she. He did what was really important in the moment and connected with her. So color the sidewalk. Help with the mud pie. Relax and become a participant rather than an observer.
Dance and sing. Secret truth: I record episodes of the “Big Joe Polka Show” and we sometimes polka in the living room. I was raised in a community where every event was an excuse for a polka band, and Big Joe was on the radio on Sunday mornings. It’s far better exercise than aerobics, and my kids love it.
Tickle and laugh. See if you can reduce both yourself and your kids into a big giggly pile of goo a couple of times a day. Be silly. We grown-ups need to do more tickling.
Say “yes”. Once in an elevator, a grandma-type was explaining to a little girl that they were going to practice saying “yes.” I thought that was a fabulous idea, and I try to consciously institute a day for this every so often. It makes me really think about whether all the “no’s” in my life are necessary.

What are your ways?

By Liz | Posted in love | Tagged love | Comments (1)

On not being struck by lightening

May 28, 2009 – 10:48 am

Surprise — it’s Tuesday! Thank you note Tuesday is happening on Thursday, in part due to the fact that my kids were sick this week and I’ve had to sit on two of them (gently, but sit nonetheless) to give them eye drops 3 times a day. Not fun.

Since this is a moment I am not sitting on my children, I will be brief: Thank you to Havi, for helping me continue to look at my stuff and for having helped me not understand how to understand Twitter — such a useful and strategic non strategery.

The other thank you goes to Naomi. I signed up for a new little email course at Ittybiz. It’s amazingly good. Thinky and cool and extremely helpful. Particularly when you need something to think about in between restraining your children.

Anyway, I realize this week that my ideal thing is proving more difficult to find. I also realize that my husband and kids will soon be out of school for the summer and I will have precious little time to sit and contemplate my navel any further.

I have also been thinking about something Havi says all the time, which is that not putting your thing out there for your right people denies them the opportunity to get something they need. I’m not putting it very well, but she says something to that effect.

I have about 15 years of experience working with kids as a social worker, and on top of that I have 10 years of being a parent to my own kids. For some reason, I’ve written a great deal about children — how to feed them, how to keep them from having tantrums while your mother-in-law is looking, how to reduce their exposure to toxins, and all kinds of other things.

These are experiences and knowledge that seem so obvious to me it’s almost boring, but I realize that other people need them. I also realize that I do indeed find these issues extremely exciting (proof of what a geek I truly am). Furthermore, I realize that my top priority is to raise my kids, and that many other people share this priority. So it’s time to get in there and share what I know.

So, I’m getting started to share some very specific information with you and others who care about children. First in the lineup is an email series on toddler tantrums. In particular, how to make them stop. You can sign up for the course here.

I’ll also be adding several more goodies in the next week or so, and I’m putting together a group class to begin July 1 that will be called something like “How To Be A Great Parent In Difficult Times” or “How To Not Be a Psycho Mom When Your Credit Cards Are Maxed Out” or something. It’s going to be very fun, and I’ll share more as soon as it’s ready.

OK. Hope all is well with you on this Tuesday that’s actually a Thursday!

By Liz | Posted in Finding the thing | Comments (0)

The benefits of being a woodpecker

May 22, 2009 – 7:23 am

I’ve always been more than a little fascinated by woodpeckers.

They want something that they can’t quite get from the surface, so they chip away and chip away until, voila, they finally get it.

Any work on my “thing” feels a lot like being a woodpecker. I know something is down there. It has value and substance and will make me and all the other woodpeckers supremely happy. I want it to come out so bad, but I just…. can’t…. quite…. reach…. it….

It’s tiring. My beak hurts from all this work.

Now, where was I?

Oh. Yeah. Back to the chipping….