OK, so as you know, Effie came up with “The Elephant Manifesto”, and I typed it. It has traveled around the world and back again, bringing us beautiful words and love from many people. People have written to share their delight at Effie’s words, and these notes have brought me amazing joy.

So often these days, when I get together with a friend who has read the manifesto, our conversation will include something like, “I heard from my friend who is now a big Effie fan, and…”

For this I am grateful.

Effie has been able to help so many begin to embrace parts of themselves and their lives that are really, really scary — maybe, she’s even helped you. She’s been able to help people start caring for parts of themselves and begin to move forward toward happier places.

I think her words are super helpful. It’s really important to me that her words get out there to as many people as possible, to help as many people as possible.

So, if you know anyone who’s been struggling, I’d love it if you’d take a moment to send them the link to the manifesto:

http://www.lizmcgowen.com/the-elephant-manifesto/

Or, if it’s easier for you and those you care about, you can join the “Effie the Elephant Fan Club on Facebook” and invite people you care about to come hang out with us there.

All my best…

-liz

PS:  I want to thank the wonderful @havi of The Fluent Self for her input and ideas in this “send a friend Sundays” idea… you’re the best, Havi.

Back again? That's awesome. Good to see you again!

Technorati Tags: elephant manifesto and effie the elephant, peace happiness and love

Sometimes I can just feel the veil falling over me. It’s like thunder clouds rolling in. I can see them on the horizon. It’s just a matter of time.

For a long time — most of my life, in fact — I felt I should get a running start before this happened. I thought I could put on some rose colored glasses and get really busy, and avoid the veil of the storm falling over me. For years I did that.

If I worked and worked and worked, the veil wouldn’t catch up. The storm wouldn’t hit. There was no time for it to happen.

But eventually the rose colored glasses got too scratched and I just wasn’t able to move fast enough anymore.

Nowadays, it catches up with me fast and, even if only for a moment, I’m completely consumed in the storm.

Sometimes the veil stays all day. Sometimes it’s for longer. Sometimes Effie is able to help, but other times she’s learned it’s just something I need to deal with and work through.

It’s so hard when this happens. Especially when you know you must get to the next thing… the event… the client… the appointment. Or when there is something really, really hard you have to take care of and it just needs to happen.

And if the storm moves in and stays for long periods (fortunately, mine are mostly short-lived), it’s always a good idea to get help.

It’s hard.

I share this not because I’m incredibly crazy (which I might be), but to let you know that many people experience this. Even if you’re the most successful person in the world, you’re still not immune from the veil falling over you. The storm chases so many of us.

No matter how many pairs of glasses you get, or how fast you try to run, it happens.

The difference, perhaps, is what you do once it happens. Do you weather the storm, or do you put on your glasses and try to avoid the storm by running and running. And running.

The question becomes, how long can you keep running.

I struggle with this. And my clients struggle with this. In that sense, we’re weathering the storm together. It’s nice to have people willing to stick with you.

After years and years of running, it can be scary to slow down and let the veil come over you. Scarier still to figure out how to move out of it.

But you can do it. At least I believe you can. Because you are not alone.

Technorati Tags: self care

This morning, after multiple prods and pokes from friends, I finally got myself in gear and separated from my three kids for long enough to set up a Facebook fan club group for Effie The Elephant.

You remember Effie, right? The author of “The Elephant Manifesto“?

And then I promptly screwed the whole thing up and had to re-do it.  Twice.

Anyway, the new group is up.

I also have a super-cool new graphic done by the very famous and talented @sparkyfirepants, who does graphic designs for all kinds of cool things like e-book covers. If you have a need for this sort of thing he should be your #1 go-to-guy because he’s fabulous and super easy to work with.

Come check out the Effie’s Fan Club page. And feel free to bring your elephant along to say hi.

All my best,

-liz

Technorati Tags: elephant manifesto and effie the elephant

Today’s post is going to be quick and dirty. I’m finally coming clean.

The object of my desire is consuming my every waking moment and I can no longer keep this secret from you, dear reader.

I’m in love with a grocery store.

I walk down the aisles, mesmerized by the sheer quantity of foods. Cookies from exotic lands. A whole wall of olive oils, some even with mysterious sediments at the bottom of the bottles. Produce that seems to go on forever.

Things I’ve never even known existed, now I want. I crave.

And it’s cheap, too, making my little Midwestern heart race with desire every time I run my fingers over a fresh family pack of hamburger. Affordable vice, you are mine.

Perhaps this is my mid-life crisis.

Sadly, in this cornucopia of fine food, I am unable to find Campbell’s soup. Oh well. Romance is never all it’s cracked up to be.

If you live near Chicago, this paradise of produce is in Niles, the Fresh Farms at Touhy near the Wal-Mart.

You should go. Be sure to say hi.

I’ll be the one with the three kids who are loudly arguing Dora vs. Danimals in the yoghurt aisle.

Even Pollyanna has difficult moments.

All my best,

-liz

OK, so by now you’ve noticed that I was away for a while. Let’s just say my own elephants came out and needed to be slowly and carefully talked off the cliff. Since I didn’t have Tina around to help mediate, it took a while.

But I’m back.

Here’s what happened:

Thanks to my amazing brother and his lovely bride, my girls and I spent nearly two weeks in Nebraska. I know, we’re trend-setters, vacationing in such a spot. We tickled chickens (and had a wonderful time with @victoriashmoria on twitter discussing the implications of chicken tickling). We connected with old friends. My kids even drove a tractor. We looked at corn and soybeans. It was awesome.

Then there was my patient husband, who stayed home with our senile but still goofy dog, cleaned out the basement and assembled a new TV cabinet. I think he also became good friends of the staff at the Whole Foods deli, too, but he isn’t talking about that side of the story.

And my wonderful clients waited for me, and stored up all the great details of their lives to share when I got back. I even got to re-connect with someone I worked with several months ago, who is now ready to move to the next step. How cool is that?

In between all this there was a birthday for a certain-special-now-10-year-old, juggling summer camps and multiple playdates, and even a few breakfast-ey opportunities to sneak away for a cup of coffee and a chat. And the most lovely, encouraging, what-I-most-needed-to-hear-at-the-moment letter from my friend Jessica (@slackermomspeak).

All these are treasures.

And now there’s something new:

I’ll call the new thing FOCUS. I know, it can be a scary word. It always seems to be something I tend to avoid.

But I’m really kind of diggin’ it.

Focus means not worrying about all the other stuff around me. Focus just means I do what I do (and having the courage to admit that I’m damned good at it!).

Focus means I get to reach out to more people and say: Here’s what I do. Being able to say: Here’s how I can help.

It means getting to connect with new people, which is cool.

As long as it’s not speed-networking. That is not cool.

Now there’s also something old:

Old is the new focus.

Hope that makes sense.

By old, I mean doing things the way I love them and the way they work for me, rather than doing things the way other people do them.

It’s connecting with people who need my help — sometimes with their elephants, sometimes with other things.

It’s talking with them where they are comfortable — rather than being that-lady-with-an-office-they-must-go-see. Sometimes it means being outside if it’s nice, at their home if that’s most comfortable, over the phone if they live far away.

It means giving the very few the very best, especially if it means being highly original.

I love original. Don’t you?

It means being a human extension cord who connects people with resources and contacts to help them stretch to their goals.

And now there’s proof that the old works:

On Monday I heard from someone who is one of my “right people”. She is wonderful — no, amazingly brilliant is a better description — at what she does. She had been put in an impossible situation last year and, like most impossible situations, it didn’t work out. By the end of the year she was miserable. She lost her job, and her confidence was shattered.

I’m like the baking soda of self confidence for my right people — I get right in there and mix everything up to make sure things start rising. So we started with the basics. Goals. Desires. Grieving. Contacts. Good old-fashioned networking. Coffee. Making sure face-to-face connections were happening.

On Monday, she called to say she got THE job. Not just any job, but a job that she is going to be spectacular at. I stood in my living room and bounced up and down while we cheered — and cried — together about this happy event.

Now this is a woman who has probably sent out hundreds of resumes in the past few months. She’s networked with everyone imaginable. She stayed strong (even though she cried many, many tears).

And she will now be making an obscene amount of money (far more than before) and be in a position of authority and have more fun than she could imagine.

Yes, there is a Santa Claus. And you’d better believe that he networks his ass off and has a really good support system.

Hope all is well with you. I missed you.

-liz

We’re in Nebraska, visiting my brother and his family for the holiday.

If you’ve ever driven from Chicago to Nebraska, you understand that it’s not perhaps the most exciting drive.

Having done it hundreds of times, however, I dearly love it because the road brings me home. It’s so good to drive and think for 500 miles.

Near Adair, Iowa, which is between Des Moines and Omaha, we found something really exciting that has developed just in the past couple of years — windfarms. Here’s a peek. Although this video is taken from a different area, it was the one that conveyed the experience: Iowa wind farm near arcadia, IA

These beautiful structures are so lovely to watch — like seeing beautiful sculptures or performance art. I wish there was some sort of “pull-over” where you could stop and watch (and find out more about what’s happening).

My oldest said it looks like someone doing cartwheels. My youngest asked if it was a circus. And middle girl was asleep.

Check out this video I found, although it’s hard to convey the experience of looking out and seeing the horizon moving and swaying in a kind of beautiful dance.

Enjoy. Talk to you soon.

Oh, yeah, and I’m required by Nebraska law (and by my family) to say this: Go Huskers.

Technorati Tags: peace happiness and love

Yesterday was a glorious day.

This was despite the fact that the mighty Knights lost 9-8 in their softball championship, for those of you who are regular readers. There was some disappointment, but our team had a grand slam home run and other notable accomplishments, so it was a victory in our minds.

So there I was at the park yesterday with my girls. You should know that I am not a hover parent. Unless one of my kids is really, really stuck and in danger of falling, I usually keep myself parked on a bench and let them work things out for themselves. The little ones get pushes on the swings, but that’s about it.

At one point two beautiful girls came to the park with the grandmother, and both girls were full of energy and ready to go. They were tall enough to get onto the swings by themselves, which they did right away.

And then they did something very interesting.

They did nothing.

The two beautiful, capable little girls waited until their grandmother came over to push them. They didn’t even try to get started on their own. They didn’t cooperate and push each other.

It made me think of how many times in my own life I’ve been capable of doing something, but I held back. I waited for the push. I didn’t struggle and flail like mad to get going. I delayed that feeling of soaring and almost flying and instead stayed tethered to the ground.

Sometimes, it’s been because another person told me they were going to give me a push, and sometimes that kept me stuck in my tracks.

So my question for today is this:  Why are you waiting? Do you really need to wait for someone else to push you, or can you do it yourself?

Color me happy this morning.

Here’s why:  this morning I’m the proudest of mammas.

My daughter, who is 9, plays softball. Actually, it’s more accurate to say she lives and breathes softball.

Last night, her team (the Knights) played in their second playoff game. Last year the team lost in the second round, but we were so absolutely delighted and astounded to have won the first game it felt like winning the world series anyway.

This year, it was different. This is a team of girls who came with some business to take care of.

Last night, not only did they win, but they played well. Really well.

And they had fun, both on the field and off.

They were out there talking to each other on the field, reminding each other, cheering each other on. They were completely focused on their mission.

They were dousing themselves with cold water in between innings and were more concerned about advancing the runners than scoring themselves.

Before the game a couple of team members asked what would happen if this was the last game. They were were quickly told by others that this was their second-to-the-last game. Period. The expectation was that on Saturday they were planning to be in the finals.

And they won 5-0.

Oh, happiness.

I must admit that I keep thinking it’s Wednesday. Mostly because my daughter had a softball game last night and they are usually on Tuesdays.

Her team won, making it to the semi-finals, in a wicked-cool blow-out. When you’re 9, that’s huge.

OK, back to business. This morning I got myself out of the house before 7:30, which is when I’m usually trying to coax the toaster oven into just one more morning of dutiful service.

Instead went to a real, live networking event here in Evanston.

Much to my surprise (and horror) it was a speed-networking event.

Egads. That is about the worst thing imaginable for a coffee-deprived writer of elephant manifestos.

I went there to promote something that I’m doing more and more of these days (and yes, Jen, I am finally taking your advice!). I’ve officially started reaching out to more small, local businesses, talking to them about how to use blogs, establish really fun e-newsletters, showing them how twitter can be fun and beneficial, and all kinds of other things that it turns out my friends who own businesses need. If you’d like to find out more, visit my new “Remarkable Biz Blogs” page.

Well, somehow I managed to survive speed networking. That was largely thanks to the fact that I made a new and very sweet friend, Susie Gray,of susangraywellness.com, who is a craniosacral therapist. Just saying it sounds relaxing. It turns out she works a lot with kids, and we had a lovely conversation. She was my networking partner at about the midway point through the speed networking thing. Thanks, Susie, for helping me get a grip — and I can hardly wait to connect again.

I have to say there were so many nice people. To my great surprise I won a water bottle (which above-mentioned 9-year-old has already declared dibs on) from Cherie McKeage of cherieloans.com, a local mortgage planner.

I was with Lauren Galuszka of CJE SeniorLife when I won the water bottle. We had just been talking about what a good-lookin’ bottle that was. Lauren works with the elderly and her facility is fantastic. I can tell she’s an idea person, so we’re gonna get along just fine.

Joseph A. Smith was delightful to talk to, even though we had a whopping 2.5 minutes for conversation. He’s a financial planning expert, and we had enough time to mutually agree that these days many people are making some truly awful financial decisions.

My first new friend at the table was Hal Koughn, hal@halkoughn.com. He’s a very experienced Chief Operations Officer-kind-of-guy, so what he offers is like a “rent a C.O.O.” service for small, local businesses. I thought that was brilliant and very useful. He also lives right down the street from where I used to, and former neighbors are often very nice people indeed.

Brooke Saucier of the Evanston Chamber of Commerce and I had a memorable but brief conversation about twitter and about stay-at-home parenting. Many thanks to him for making me feel comfortable right from the start.

I also made a new friend in David LeRoy of Diagnostics Technical Support. David is one of those really, really fun and helpful folks you call when your computer has driven you almost to the point where you need someone like me for therapy.

Last-but-not-least were mortgage consultant John Noyes who has such a friendly way about him, and the passionate-about-doing-taxes-right Katherine Chung. I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you much better — and hopefully being able to spend longer than 3 minutes talking to you!

A special thanks also goes to David Levine of Illinois Nut & Candy. David, you should know that my kids are super impressed that I actually know someone in the candy industry. And I have friends whose children need gluten-free-everything, so that was 2.5 minutes well spent. The bribes were also very timely and well received!

Online, so many wonderful people to thank this week.

People are starting to subscribe to the “toddler tantrums” e-course, which is magnificent. I’ve also been in touch with several of them, and will soon be posting another e-course on child nutrition and behavior (the e-book is already on the “free stuff” page if you just can’t wait).

So much information on twitter, and I’ve found such amazing and inspiring people there. At the top of the list are @sparkyfirepants, an artist who is also a genuinely nice guy and who it turns out likes Effie, and of course my real-life big brother and general fun guy to hang out with, @oldermac (which makes me “younger mac”, I guess).

I also want to thank my happiness project group members, Staci (who has just yesterday given herself permission to “not,” which is super cool of her), Susan, Melissa, and Laurel. And of course all our kids. You guys are my center. Thanks for the guidance.

And, thank you to all my readers. And to Effie, who continues to share her wisdom ever so quietly and patiently. (*whisper * nudge * nudge * —> if you haven’t read The Elephant Manifesto yet and shared it, get it now!)

All my love to all of you, and keep rockin’ the world!

Anything you’d like to say thanks for this week? Feel welcome to share!

A huge bow and wave to Havi, whose post “The Negotiator, the Monster and the Scribe” was the source of inspiration for this discussion. I didn’t quite follow the method exactly, but sometimes trolls can be tricky.

My friend Tina is the moderator. She is sensible, and she always knows the right thing to say. Nothing bad has ever happened to me while Tina was around.

Tina is going to be confronting my Troll, which is the scariest thing I can imagine. I once had to be picked up from preschool in hysterics after a reading of the Three Billy Goats Gruff. Honestly. So scary.

So here we go… I’m going to hand things over to Tina and leave the room.

***Shhh. Don’t tell the troll I was even here!***

Tina: Hello, Mr. Troll. I’m Tina and I’m a friend of Liz’s. She asked me to come over to talk for a moment. Could you come in and sit down?

Troll: I really don’t want to. I have other things to do. I’m very busy.

Tina: It will just take a second. Go ahead. It’s fine to take a break.

Troll: OK. If I have to. [sits begrudgingly and slouches; is smelly]

Tina: I’d like to ask you a question for Liz. She’s very interested in you and what you do.

Troll: I’m her business troll.

Tina: A business troll. That sounds important. You mentioned that you’re very busy. Since I’ve never met you before, could you help me understand what you do?

Troll: I put lots and lots of questions in Liz’s mind to make sure she’s considering all the angles of something before she ever does it. Sometimes all those questions just stop her dead in her tracks for long periods of time. I also do this thing that actually makes her worried about following up with potential customers, and I also kind of haunt her phone to make her think she’s going to talk to people who are mad at her when she picks up her cell phone. That makes her very nervous and keeps her from talking on the phone if she can help it. It’s a big job, full-time.

Tina: Wow. You are really busy. You’re right, that’s a huge job.

Troll: Thanks. I’m really good at what I do. Very effective.

Tina: So can you help me understand a little more about why you do all these really cumbersome things for her? I mean, that sounds like really hard work and it must get a bit tiresome to do all that for her every single day.

Troll: Yeah. I’m trying to protect her from becoming the way she was. When she had a real job she worked all the time and was always away. And then once she started the business she was just non-stop focused on it. And the kids and the house and her husband never got her attention. She never did anything except work, work, work. And she got too exhausted. I’m trying to make sure she doesn’t get that way again.

Tina: Hmmm. So it sounds like if Liz were to do these things, you think she’d get sucked into working all the time?

Troll: Yeah. Absolutely. And she wouldn’t take care of herself.

Tina: Oh, that’s starting to make sense to me. You’re worried she will get sucked into work and not take care of herself and everyone else around her.

Troll: You got it, Einstein.

Tina: Hmmm. That’s very considerate of you. There’s just a little tiny, itsy bitsy thing. You see, the tough thing for Liz is that she actually does need to work sometimes, because otherwise she’s going to have to get a real job and then she will have to work even more and have less flexibility for her family. I’m wondering, is there something we could work out here?

Troll: Well, it’s a little awkward for me. I have these important things and the way I look at it I just need to do them so all of us will be safe.

Tina: Ah. OK. So you want to make sure that Liz doesn’t get sucked into her work – so she has time for her family and her life outside of work – and you also want to make sure she and everybody in her world are safe and cared for. Have I got it so far?

Troll: Yeah. That sounds pretty much like my deal.

Tina: So let me ask you, is there a way that Liz could work, and try to do what she needs to do, and you could be okay with it?

Troll: It would worry me a lot. But I could – maybe – give it a try for a day or so and see what happens.

Tina: So you could let her answer her phone?

Troll: Yeah.

Tina: And you could let her try to do her own thing without making her question everything 100 times?

Troll: Yeah, I guess.

Tina: And could you let her follow up with potential customers and help her feel good about it, since she’s really trying to help them?

Troll: Yeah, I can try.

Tina: And if one day goes okay, would you be willing to try another day after that?

Troll: Well, it will be hard, but I can try.

Tina: OK. I can tell you really care a lot about Liz and you want to make sure she’s safe. I think you’ve done a really super job at those things, and I appreciate you giving Liz a chance to see whether she can take on some of your workload and still be safe. Does that still sound alright?

Troll: Yeah. OK. Well, since my schedule has freed up a bit, I’m gonna go watch Jeopardy now.

Tina: Thanks, Mr. Troll. I’ll let Liz know what we talked about. I’ll go get her… I think she’s hiding in the closet…

Technorati Tags: trolls