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Peace, Happiness and Love in Action Week 2
May 7th
This morning I have to warn you: I’m grumpy. Grumpy with a capital G.
This is partly due to all my little people being up late last night for the school spring concert. It’s partly due to not being able to sleep and staying up to channel surf between “Sweet Home Alabama” and “Sleepless in Seattle.”
But it’s mostly due to having listened to “Stairway to Heaven” performed on handbells during the above-mentioned concert. I’m not kidding.
So this morning I’m thinking, wow, how on earth am I gonna do this? How will I be able to write about peace, love and happiness in action when I can’t even find 8 pairs of clean socks in their various assorted sizes and acceptable (aka, pink) colors? How can I write when all I really want to do is to go back to bed (except for the fact that I can’t because there’s a huge pile of laundry on the bed now thanks to having to rummage for the socks).
Blech. Double blech.
Then it happened. I was driving past a huge high school here in Chicago, and a little entsy weensy miracle moment happened.
Now in case you haven’t noticed, most of the kids on their way to high school look like they hope the sidewalk might open up and swallow them up before they get there. I feel so incredibly bad for them. They just look so miserable. It’s like they’re off to join a chain gang (or to play you-know-what on the handbells).
Anyway, this girl comes bounding down the stairs, smiling hugely. She hugs this big boy, who grins from ear to ear. It was one of those hugs with an extra little schquweeze in it at the end. The really good friend kind, not a romantic one.
Then she bounces back into the school. He continues walking down the sidewalk. The whole thing took about 15 seconds, if that.
Wow. Not usual let-me-blend-into-the-shrubbery behavior from teens.
It made me wonder, is there anything better than a hug?
I don’t mean a creepy-get-away-from-me hug, or an I-have-to-hug-you-but-I’d-rather-go-play-the-handbells hug.
Hugging is a risk. A hug leaves you open and vulnerable. Other people can see it, and this could cause problems for both hugger and huggee.
But it is a moment when we stop for a split second. Sometimes we breathe in deeply. In a genuine hug we share peace, we have a moment of happiness, and we have an opportunity to share our love.
I once worked for a wonderful woman named Sylvia. I adored her. She had the key qualities in a really great supervisor — she got really interesting and amazing manicures every week, she was the best-ever consultant on lunchtime carryout, and she was absolutely fearless and completely supportive.
When you work in the world of child welfare and have cases that are unbelievably scary and icky, you really need someone with these qualities.
Anyway, after we would get back from court (icky icky icky), or had some sort of crisis (which was pretty much all the time), Sylvia would always offer a hug. It was one of those motherly, comforting, it-will-be-ok hugs that makes problems feel better.
Now, I understand, hugging is not for everybody. Some people just don’t like it and that’s ok. I know far more than I ever wanted to know about the whole “good touch bad touch” thing, and am a huge proponent of what let’s call “ethical hugging”. AKA, you should only hug if the huggee has given his/her consent.
Anyway, back to Sylva. I realized this morning that miss hugs. Hugs from people who understand.
Know what I mean? There’s something about getting a hug from someone who knows what you’re going through that is so comforting.
I know there are actually people who read this blog. Yay! I have readers!
I wish this morning, for all my grumpiness, that I could give each of you a hug. You are special. We understand each other. I’ve received little messages from many of you and I know we’re on the same wavelength.
I’m not sure what the online equivalent of a hug is… so I’ll send you the thought of a hug. All you have to do is send it back.
Ready? Set? Here it comes!
PS:Â If you kind of liked reading this, here’s my first post on the same topic: Peace, Happiness and Love In Action Week 1.
Happiness and Inspiration
May 6th
Who knew that $3.94 could be so well spent?
This morning in between dropping off my husband’s inhaler for him at school and picking up Claire at preschool, I had about 45 minutes. I know, it’s not much time. But for a mom it’s an eternity.
I thought, perhaps this is a sign that I need to be nice to myself. So I went to the local coffee shop where I steadfastly resisted the temptation to to twitter my brother about something that is fall-off-your-chair hysterically funny. That’s a story for another day.
Instead, I succumbed to coffee and a muffin (blueberry, I’ll have you know. Yummm).
I pulled out a notepad.
At the top, I wrote “Hone in on what is so obvious to you that it hardly bears mentioning.” I found the quote this morning on the “How Third Hand Works Gets In Gear” blog. You should read the entire post. It’s amazing.
I changed it a little — to “Hone in on what is so obvious to you that you are good at that it hardly bears mentioning” (sorry, Cairene, I just can’t help tweaking stuff).
After about 20 minutes of doodling and staring out the window and eavesdropping on a really interesting conversation at the next table, guess what?
I think I found it.
My “thing”. I’ve been thinking about what “my thing” is, looking for it, meditating about it, trying to label it and create it so hard lately.
It’s the thing that I’m just amazingly good at. It’s the thing that my right people need and that I can help them with 100%.
It seemed like it was always behind a brick wall — but I knew it was there.
And this morning, the bricks fell away. And there it was. Shiny and perfect and all ready to roll. It’s been there all along.
The amazing part is that it connects perfectly — seamlessly — with the other “thing” I’ve been working on and writing, and that seems more-than-just-a-little insane unless the two are together.
How amazing is that?
Just had to share. I knew you’d be happy. I am simply and extremely very happy at this moment.
Thanks for reading and being a part of this moment with me.
Thank You Note Tuesdays
May 5th
OK, Tuesday was supposed to be my day to deal with a reader question or something.
But since I’m new, and since I have no comments (well, actually one, left by yours truly to make sure the comments were working properly), I’m changing Tuesdays into “Thank You Note Tuesdays” for now.
Ready? Here are a few people whom I’d like to thank for their help and inspiration:
- A huge thank you to Chris Guillebeau at The Art of Nonconformity. Not only are his blog, manifesto, and other resources just stupendously amazing, he really operates from an honesty that is refreshing. You should read his post on “26 People I Highly Respect“. Really. Read it. Now.
- Another thank you note bedazzled with sequins and stars and with treats inside goes to Havi Brooks and Selma at The Fluent Self. On Sunday I had the privilege of participating in her super cool class on testimonials. One of the great things about Havi (possibly due to Selma’s influence) is that you always get an unexpected little treasure-like bonus from what she has to say. The alignment exercise was, for me, that little treasure. Thanks, Havi.
- Sonia Simone has this amazing email class that’s been helping me figure out what a newsletter is all about and how to do one. Between you and me, I’ve always been terrified about newsletters — they seem so permanent and so important. And people might actually read them. Spooky. But with Sonia, they come with cookies and birthday cake and fun stuff, and are much less scary. I’ve been reading them and preparing my own little cookies and cakes… so thank you Sonia!
- My new friend Slackermomspeaks, who actually tried to leave a comment on my blog (bless you!!!) and who alerted me to the fact that my comments were set at control-freak level. Thank you, and hope you got the positive vibes I sent your way this morning, from a fellow slackermom!
- And finally, to the person who mysteriously left a copy of the Quran on my front door yesterday, thank you. It was such a loving gesture, put in a nice little plastic bag to keep it safe. I promise to take good care of it and to actually read it. How did you know? I don’t know who you are, or why you left it, or how you knew that it’s a book I’d always meant to read but never got around to. Thank you, and may good things like peace, happiness and love be part of your life.
Take care, and thank you to YOU with sprinkles on top for reading this. Have a wonderful day.
Yay! It’s Love Day Here at Peace Happiness and Love!
May 1st
We all “love” Fridays, so I thought this would be the perfect day to reflect on love.
I have to admit, this has been a tough topic. Much harder than I thought.
Part of that stems from the fact that real love is, I think, mixed up with so many other things. Patience. Trust. Honesty. Consistency.
I find that it is sometimes easier to love others and to think about loving others when we think about love.
But what we first need to do (and what is hardest sometimes to do) is to love ourselves.
How does that sit with you?
Now I don’t mean this in a selfish way. I don’t mean not caring for those people in our lives who love us and need us, and whom we also love and need. Our kids, our colleagues, our family and friends.
No, I mean loving ourselves in a way that takes care of us and our needs so we can be better for those people.
Sorry to go all Ayn Rand on you, but it is kind of a deep thought for a Friday.
Thinking back on the work I often do with people in therapy, one of the first things we often look at is “accepting reality”. And since people rarely come to therapy for themselves (they come to “fix” something or someone but almost never to fix themselves), often there is the need to accept the reality about and of another person.
So let’s say that the relationship between a parent and child isn’t working. Arguments are happening. Feelings are getting hurt. It’s nasty.
We start by looking at the real situation. Whatever that may be.
We take a big basket and start tossing out the “shoulds” and the “musts”. She “should” have good grades goes right out the window. She “must” never get detention is zapped out of existence from now on.
We accept what is real and now. This can take a long, long time. It’s almost never a one-session-deal. It’s also sometimes a deal-breaker, because people don’t want to accept reality. They might have built a whole identity around the shoulds and musts, and might not want to change.
This leaves me thinking: I wonder whether we really have taken the time to look at ourselves and accept reality.
Hmmm.
What’s the reality — and what are the “musts” and “shoulds” that have crept into your world?
Hmmm. Hmmmm.
Too scary?
If it is, and it might very well be, it’s OK.
To help you get a grip, I highly suggest a brilliant post written by Havi and Selma entitled “Not All Monsters Like Cookies“. You should read it. Havi and Selma are brilliant.
It helped me realize that not only have I been giving my monsters cookies, I’ve been making them homemade chocolate chip ones and their entire families have moved in as a result. Eviction proceedings are gonna start.
Read. Enjoy. Think. And let me know.
All my peace, happiness and love to you,
-liz
Peace Happiness and Love in Action Week 1
Apr 30th
OK. As promised, Thursdays are the day I stick my head out of my little hole and say “Hey there, what’s going on with this peace happiness and love thing?”
There’s no better place to start than my own living room. So, briefly, here are the examples I saw yesterday from my three-year-old, Claire:
Peace — Without being asked, going to get the favorite blanket of big sister Tess, age 4, to help her stop crying.
Happiness — Spontaneously getting up from dinner to dance to the “Go Diego Go” theme song. There can never be too much dancing.
Love — Finding daddy’s water bottle and taking it upstairs into “her” office. We’re still working on pronouns. But it’s the thought that counts.
And one more example of love, the greatest one, needing to find mommy every single morning for a first snuggle of the day. That’s the best example of love ever.
Any examples of Peace, Happiness and Love in your life? I’d love to hear.
Have a great rainy day.
-liz
Welcome to the Peace Happiness and Love blog
Apr 29th
Welcome to my new blog, focused on three of my favorite things: peace, happiness and love.
I promise not to get all gushy. Not to be Polyanna (well, maybe sometimes). And not to be all sunshine and moonbeams. It is going to be a little hard for me because I kind of like my grumpiness, sometimes.
But I’ve decided the world doesn’t need another blog on depression, or stress, or addictions, or divorce, or “the effects of…”.
No. Times are tough, but we can do it. Peace happiness and love is what we need more of.
And adventures. But more about that soon.
I hope you’ll stay tuned…
-liz